Last evening I hang out with my best pal and her boify. Interestingly after discussing everything else we settled on the topic of the century ‘relationships’. The discussion strayed to my favourite part which is the inequalities on expectations for chics and jamaas. Of course I first went into a tirade ;o) Oh, we are empowered. If he wants to go out till morning so can I, and how come am expected to cook and clean when we both come from 8 to 5 jobs? That is so unfair! And why do jamaas expect you to cook and clean dishes (and some shao ones clothes too!) whilst at his place? I remember that my pal’s boify looked at me deadpan in the face and made the following points which tearfully and dejectedly I accept, not because they are true but because God(??) plus our traditional doctrines made them so!!
Women are emotional beings, men are rational beings. Meaning at the point when a jamaa chooses to move on, the chic thinks manze I have given so much to this relationship. I spruced him up (albeit with his money, possibly he had horrible taste in clothes, interior décor etc), I have been with him for 3 years! His family knows me etc a jamaa is thinking... eish, doesn’t matter that we used to do trips to Dubai etc (which he paid for) I gotta cut my losses and move on!
Women move with the times, men haven’t/won't?! So a chic is taking home a six figure salo, is mortgaging her hao. Presumably in control of her life a jamaa irrespective of whether he earns more or less than she does will still expect her to play homemaker... ati she has hassled up some pasta and mushroom.. A jamaa still wants ugali for supper everyday! Meanwhile irrespective of whether a jamaa went to Harvard he still believes that spaghetti is a snack and cannot be fed for supper!
The relationship game is all about control! The sooner the chic relinquishes control to the jamaa the sooner the wedding bells will sound! Haven’t you ever wondered why jamaas like to marry the chic who has perservered the most? A friend of mine sent me a text message saying he has decided to marry his chic of 5 years. This chic has withstood his dogging; his brokeness … this chic has taken him back after he has meted on her every evil inconceivable thing! So ladies, a guy will have to ‘break’ you first before he can use the 'Marry me' word. Men, I have to ask God (hoping that I get to see him) why he cursed women so!
Most men experience twinges of emotions during a lot of strain e.g. Stress at work, loss of loved one or when a chic threatens to leave etc
Men expect women to be homemakers irrespective of his short comings.
Still...easier said than done!;)
Lastly the good book says the following:
Hymn to a Good Wife (The Message Bible, Proverbs 31)
10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!
3 comments:
You have an amazing grasp of tenets marriage and relationship related. It is true that I expect that a wife to be a homemaker but not in biblical terms (pun intended). Even when she does not do the actual work make the appeareance of being in control of what happens in the home. (i.e. ensure the house help knows what and how to do stuff etc)
And ati men have not evolved kitu gani?! So since she makes more money I become a kept man? And I think pasta and mushroom an amazing MEAL.
Men too have He-motions and are only brought up by society not to expose them....
Aegeus,
I try to understand the marriage institution. Its the scariest institution on this earth yet i hear can be the most fulfilling.
Anonymous,
The same society has told us womenfolk that If a marriage fails, then its our fault. Women are supposed to endure everything whilst sacrificing themselves in the altar of marriage.
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