Letting go…

The storm brewed… the trees swayed to the song of the wind...
She ran across the fields her hair flying with the wind…
Her tears trailed down her cheeks……
She bit her lip hard to stop the scream that threatened to rip from inside her being!
Why? She asked God shouting at the ominous clouds above…
Her mind fleeted back to the talks they had had...
The openness of their conversations…
The ways his eyes lit in mischief…
The curl of his lips, hinting a smile…
For a second she smiled remembering him...
In remembrance of a man who made her feel alive ...
Why! She asked again her sobs tearing at her...
The rain started falling as if in answer to her plea…
She stood in the rain...
Her arms outstretched in surrender...
Her body swaying to the howl of the wind...
Her tears were now mingled with the raindrops…
And with each clasp of thunder…
Her body shuddered in response….
A single leaf fell from the sky to her open palm.
As if a response from the almighty.
Clasping the leaf she trod back home.

Don't Quit..

This forward says alot:

One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"

His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"

"Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?" "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return. "As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. He will never give up on you. Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."

my goodbye...

I have known you for long enough...
Still have not known you at all...
You touched a chord in my heart that no one else had before...
Still it didn’t magically make us compatible.
Now enough years down the line...
My heart still yearns for you despite my good sense.
But....
Futility is the pursuit of that which is beyond your reach...
Such as a relationship between two people who are built so differently...
I shall stop running after the wind...
Realization that I will never catch a shooting star has finally dawned.
And toughest of all... loving someone doesn’t guarantee that they will love you back...
And most importantly, even when they love you back....don’t mean it will work.
So, keep well beloved...
I pray that God's love and grace overshadow every hurt in your life.
I pray for sunny days ahead.
I pray for a love in your life that will match you.
I pray your faith remains firm.
And always be still and know…you were loved.

Rumblings...

Yesterday a lady living with HIV/AIDS gave a testimony about her condition in the hopes that we would learn a lesson… She said; why do you fear the person with full blown AIDS? There is no way you are going to sleep with them coz you are fully aware of their condition… then she went on “fear the likes of me... I have HIV but do I look like I have it?” And the truth struck home!

Yesterday I saw a man who looked like he had not had a meal for a couple of days… did I quickly walk past him? I must have told myself “sorry man, i got my problems too”

Yesterday I spoke to my mum who told me about losing her 7 cows to an illness… my sis thinks it’s either a cleansing or God teaching her a lesson on something or the other. The rest of us are clueless... oh my aunty thinks its urogi (witchcraft)

Yesterday I heard in the news that Anglo leasing runs deeper than we thought... Now the names of those involved runs longer than a scroll! Hear we go again! Thinking out loud, another tribunal to be set up to investigate this huge scandal??

Yesterday I spoke to a friend who wants to take her (violent) husband to church to make their 5 plus years marriage formal. Should I weep or pray?

Yesterday I had breakfast with a pal who cannot make up his mind which woman he wants out of three... Some formula about testing them and the one who comes up a winner triumphs???! dumb! I said.

Yesterday I watched the movie ‘Crash’ (for the 3rd time).It speaks volumes of life… and yes, it’s a tearjerker too!

Yesterday… I tried to wake up and pray but managed to doze off again! When I finally got up I chose to speak to him… I figure speaking to God is easier than praying. For me at least!

Yesterday it rained and I just love it! My heart dances when it rains... the ominous black clouds are breathtaking… Now I can drown lotsa teas with the excuse that am trying to keep warm.

A woman’s place…

Last evening I hang out with my best pal and her boify. Interestingly after discussing everything else we settled on the topic of the century ‘relationships’. The discussion strayed to my favourite part which is the inequalities on expectations for chics and jamaas. Of course I first went into a tirade ;o) Oh, we are empowered. If he wants to go out till morning so can I, and how come am expected to cook and clean when we both come from 8 to 5 jobs? That is so unfair! And why do jamaas expect you to cook and clean dishes (and some shao ones clothes too!) whilst at his place? I remember that my pal’s boify looked at me deadpan in the face and made the following points which tearfully and dejectedly I accept, not because they are true but because God(??) plus our traditional doctrines made them so!!

Women are emotional beings, men are rational beings. Meaning at the point when a jamaa chooses to move on, the chic thinks manze I have given so much to this relationship. I spruced him up (albeit with his money, possibly he had horrible taste in clothes, interior décor etc), I have been with him for 3 years! His family knows me etc a jamaa is thinking... eish, doesn’t matter that we used to do trips to Dubai etc (which he paid for) I gotta cut my losses and move on!

Women move with the times, men haven’t/won't?! So a chic is taking home a six figure salo, is mortgaging her hao. Presumably in control of her life a jamaa irrespective of whether he earns more or less than she does will still expect her to play homemaker... ati she has hassled up some pasta and mushroom.. A jamaa still wants ugali for supper everyday! Meanwhile irrespective of whether a jamaa went to Harvard he still believes that spaghetti is a snack and cannot be fed for supper!

The relationship game is all about control! The sooner the chic relinquishes control to the jamaa the sooner the wedding bells will sound! Haven’t you ever wondered why jamaas like to marry the chic who has perservered the most? A friend of mine sent me a text message saying he has decided to marry his chic of 5 years. This chic has withstood his dogging; his brokeness … this chic has taken him back after he has meted on her every evil inconceivable thing! So ladies, a guy will have to ‘break’ you first before he can use the 'Marry me' word. Men, I have to ask God (hoping that I get to see him) why he cursed women so!

Most men experience twinges of emotions during a lot of strain e.g. Stress at work, loss of loved one or when a chic threatens to leave etc

Men expect women to be homemakers irrespective of his short comings.

Still...easier said than done!;)

Lastly the good book says the following:


Hymn to a Good Wife (The Message Bible, Proverbs 31)
10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!

I do....

This Saturday I had the pleasure of not only attending my close pal’s wedding but being the matron of honour (bustling around with 3 brats! ) . It was a lovely wedding and as l looked at the two lovebirds dancing away with their arms holding each other tightly and eyes locked in a gaze full of love, I thought about the word ‘I do’

I do... agree to wake up each morning with you by my side. On those days when am thrilled that its me you chose and no one else... and also on those days when I wish you could disappear into thin air!

I do... agree to succumb to you as my wife/husband. Especially when you are making sound decisions for our future…but the times when I think you are a nut I shall surely ask for strength from above!

I do agree to have your children. In my hopes that you will be there during their rearing.

I do agree to be with you in sickness and in health... hoping that you shall do likewise for me

I do agree to stand with you in riches and poverty! Praying fervently that we shall face riches… and that despite the elements that life shall throw at us... we shall stand as one.

I do agree to call your mother ‘mum’ knowing that she might just decide to give me hell on earth! Or surprise me by becoming ‘mother-in-love’

I do agree to your pet peeves, the things that drew me to you and continuously remember to compromise on your faults…. As am sure you did for me.

I do agree to be your companion for life. In the hopes that we shall be together in this journey called life.

Lastly I do agree to give you the strength to see me at my worst and best, to know me beyond anybody else. To be vulnerable before you…. To struggle with pride and ego hoping that the soundness of our union will win the day.

Life Is Transitory...

This forward rings true for me... altho often are the times that i get caught up chasing vanity!


The story is told of an American tourist who went to the city of Cairo, Egypt to visit a famous wise man.

The tourist was surprised when he saw the wise man living in a small, simple room full of books. The only pieces of furniture were a bed, a table, and a bench….

Where is your furniture?” asked the tourist.

The wise man suitably asked:” And where is yours?”

Mine?” Responded the tourist surprised.” I’m here only passing through”

“I also am just passing through.” Concluded the wise man.

“Life here on earth is only temporal…yet, some live it as if they were going to stay here forever, forgetting to be happy.”

“The value of something is not in how long it lasts, but in the intensity with which it is experienced.”

God has loaned us this life and He’s the one who will collect it, and so it is that; we are only passing through

Living the real thing, doesn’t consist of things at all, because things cannot truly satisfy.
Only through God can we find real joy, true happiness, and the eternal fulfillment that only He can give.