Determination..

Yesterday at church, my pastor preached about determination. One profound truth he stated was that Christians have replaced Knowledge with Prayer. We Christians imagine that all I have to do is pray for stuff eg. a job your chasing instead of equipping yourself to be the most suitable person for the job and then thanking God for the fulfillment of your prayer.

The dictionary meaning of determination is: Firmness of Purpose.

What is your purpose? Is it financial prosperity?

An excellent book am reading by George S Clason "The Richest Man in Babylon" gives great insights to financial prosperity.

*Some people are determined to take their children through school despite the loss of income of one partner.

*Others are determined to live longer than the 6 months decreed by their terminal illness

*others are determinated to get their first degree at age 40!

What are you determined to do?

1. Identify it/them.
2. come up with a SMART plan.
3. Pursue relentlessly!!!!

Helen Keller:
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Paulo Coelho:
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.

Stephen Covey:
Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.

Happiness is a State of Mind

I've Learned That Happiness is a State of Mind
Author Sue Henley

I just had my 25th wedding anniversary. What an accomplishment.

I've only contemplated divorce about 1 million times over the last 25 years, so you can imagine my surprise over reaching this milestone. I have been complaining about this man for about 9,125 days....give or take a few days. My life is not how I envisioned it. Every major fight we've ever had has been over money. How you fight about something you don't have is beyond me.

There was also the big fight over the candle light dinner I fixed.......it seems he wants to see what he eats! He has seldom paid me a compliment. He rarely buys me presents. He won't learn how to massage my back. He won't wear shorts or swim trunks. We have only been on one family vacation in 25 years. He has never disciplined our girls, thus leaving me as the repeated bad guy! He refuses to go grocery shopping and continues to sneak and smoke after a bilateral carotid endartectomy. AND he spends way too much time in his recliner!

This same man wouldn't miss a day of work unless he was half dead and he hands over his check every payday. He would drive day and night to pick up either of our girls if they needed him. He loves my mom and Granny almost as much as I do. If you called him and said, "I'm Sue's friend, we've never met and my car won't start".........he would be out of the door in a flash to help you out. What an incredible father he has been. I know he loves our girls as much as I do! He has never complained about how much I've spent on either child....no matter how out of budget I went. Since he knows how I hate to cook....he hasn't complained (much) about the 20,000 fast food meals we've consumed.

He almost drowned as a child....which is why he doesn't swim.......and maybe if we didn't make fun of his ultra white legs.....he'd wear shorts. He doesn't drink alcohol and is forbidden to use the words that are unacceptable to children's ears (and mine). He hates to leave our sleepy little town.....but, encourages me to go where I want to and he always seems happy to see me as I make it back up the driveway.

I cannot begin to tell you the number of conversations I've had with God about him. "Lord, I'm so UNhappy. Life is too short and I know you don't want me to be UNhappy!" He'd whisper....."Make yourself happy with him, Sue" "I can't live with him another minute, Lord. You're up there watching the whole vast universe and I don't think you see me down here, miserable!" "Oh, I see you. I'm here, always and forever. Speak to me." "I am speaking to you! I want to have some peace in my life, you know, Lord....but I don't want you mad at me! He's driving me crazy!" "And he's doing what?" "First of all....he's breathing my air!" "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, SUE!"

I spent so many years praying for God to change him. God doesn't play fair sometimes. It seems that all along God was changing me. I had to come face to face with the fact that 'submissiveness' just isn't my best quality. (Not even close!) But, I spend a small part of each day working on it. I was so busy with my girls and my life that I didn't realize how little of myself I gave to him. I concentrated on the fact that we were polar opposites and he would never be able to fill that part of me that needed filled. I didn't realize I wasn't playing fair either because I hadn't reached into myself to give him the part of me that needed nurturing. The poor man was walking in the dark. He didn't have a clue. I think we both wondered if love was enough.

We were at a family reunion and someone asked where he was. I gleefully told them he was working overtime! Someone said, "Poor Leonard." It's become a family joke to say "Poor Leonard" because it grates on my last nerve! My own mother looked at me and said, "Do you notice no one ever says, "Poor Sue"? It felt like ice water had been dumped on my head. It was SO very true! That day my eyes started to open. So, at the ripe old age of 47, I've learned that happiness is a state of mind.

You can be hopelessly in love and decide you don't want to be happy. He still does things that drive me totally over the edge. But, I am receiving the nuturing that I have so long desired. I made up my mind that's he's not responsible for my happiness with him.....I am. I can hold grudges over what he's not done or done badly....or I embrace all the fine things he does so well.

So this morning, and hopefully every morning for the next 50 years, I choose to keep my family whole, to love with all my heart and please God and myself.
Sue Henley doupray2@charter.net

I hope it comes through that I love that man! I always have.....I just appreciate him more now! I think through my stories you've met all my family now! Tiffany will be 15 next month and Shanna is 23. I'm very blessed! 2001 copyright *********************************************************************

How is your Heart?

Hi world, am back! am back to writing again...my fingers are typing so fast that I dunno what they shall "say" next! Crazy huh?

I started this year with apprehension.. giving up a love that so fulfilled me was the biggest battle i had to face. I gave him up in January.. ached for him for so long.. that i couldnt write..because, how do you write a mourn? a tear? a scream?! Time does heal wounds..

Yesterday my friend came online whilst i was on Yahoo and asked me this question... How is your heart? I dunno why but I stuttered for a while.. looking for words that would explain how my heart was and all i could come up with is fine.

I should have said..
My heart is grateful for dear life... my family and the small everyday miracles.
My heart yearns for a good John Grisham.. on a lazy Saturday..
My heart yearns for peace for those who lost their loved ones in the KQ crash..
My heart yearns for direction.. what in the world am i doing with my life???
My heart yearns for a better job... more challenging!
My heart yearns for my projects to open up...
My heart yearns for a deeper understanding/relationship with my maker...
My heart yearns for days when i would be a little gal again.
My heart yearns for slow days filled with trees, birds chirping...and lots of dark clouds!