My Mother - A Woman of Virtue

My mother is 58 years old. She is a beautiful, light complexioned 5”7 inches tall lady.

For the longest time that I have known her (now my 29th year) she has always been the embodiment of endurance and silent strength. I am the 5th of 7 children

My most vivid memory of her is seeing her dressed in a white starched cotton dress…you guessed right! She was a nurse and I remember her being home at odd hours sometimes at night others in the mornings and others in the afternoon…I learnt pretty early what ‘shifts’ meant due to her erratic hours of working.

My mum was the disciplinarian at home as my dad is a man who barks louder than he bites. Still does…. the gentle old man…still does! I remember her singing merry songs for me or one of my siblings to swallow food. Now, you cannot believe the sizes of us and yet we are the children who would have food in the mouth for 30 minutes without swallowing or chewing... a dribble coursing down our mouth!

She would be quite a disciplinarian when she got round to it although she always gave us fair warning and on the third turn she would threaten with a finger pointing the culprit’s direction
“ I will unleash on you the beating of the century" and with that I or my sister’s would know that the forty days of Ali Baba were up! Birthdays & Christmas were always a festive occasion with lots of food. At the age of 5 having a choice between a tray full of an assortment of sweets, biscuits and cake... Oh! How dare I forget lots of soda! The best part about it was that there were no warnings of you will catch a cold if you drink any more soda on those special occasions. Believe me being brought up by a nurse had its bad side… if you look at it from a 10 year old’s point of view. ;o)

In 1980 when I was only four years old my dad suffered a stroke and was hospitalized for 3 months. I was young but can remember that my mother carried on….then very pregnant with my baby sister. Just recently, I learnt that she had shuttled between visiting her husband in hospital, changed shifts to night duty only, which left her days free. Days which she slept for 2 hours at most and got home in time to battle with the ever present problems of house helps. Oh, did I forget to mention she still had 5 children looking up at her for love and mostly…. Laughter and song. But she managed, somehow. When my dad was discharged he was a shadow of his old self. He had darkened and used a cane to assist him walk. My Mum become his personal nurse and tutor reminding of basic things like orrecting him when he mixed our names and called us by his sisters’ names. My dad recuperated much to the amazement of everyone including his mum who had given up on the thought that he would get discharged.

My mother is a born again Christian, she draws her strength from her faith in the person of Jesus Christ. My mother does not conform to society and fashion trends... she will not wear a skirt that is anyway close to her knees, her skirts are almost ankle high! Her blouses not too low, she always dots a scarf on her neck, lest you get a peek of her cleavage! She smiles easily just as she cries easily... now you know where i got that streak from!
This is my tribute to my darling Mum who is my heroine.


“God could not be everywhere and therefore He made mothers. “
- Jewish Proverb

My someone...

There are days that i wake up wondering...where art thou? where is my attractive dark, and dimpled someone??!!! God knows how many times i have asked him this question... usually in a fit of loneliness! wondering.. could it have been the last guy i dated? and i never realised that it was he? or No! maybe its the guy who was staring at me in the lift and i didnt even return his smile? The song by Jon B ' where is my love'? comes to mind quickly.

Interestingly, i have thrown out my romantic notions on his looks (altho i still need him to be attractive) i have grown up and realised that there is no perfect person, no perfect meeting... no perfect relationship. My question now goes deeper, so why is it that the percentage of singles is growing bigger with each passing day? Is my singlehood contributed to the fact that we women are now empowered? hence have refused to embrace the ways of our mothers to our detriment? Or has society changed relegating committment to a when it suits me basis? Why is it that more and more marriages are breaking up? Do we have a choice in the matter or are all marriages from 2005 onwards headed for break-ups?

What are the pitfalls that can be avoided to ensure a marriage grows to be a companionship? notice i have not said that a marriage remains sexually active or retains the gooey feeling of love? (altho' yes! i would love that too!) Sorry, i have no answers.... all i have is the conviction that :
Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights” Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out.
1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (The Message Bible)

My prayer for you...and my anguished question

I pray that everything works out for you....,
I pray that you will continually look at Jesus as the best companion on this journey called life.
I try to continually seek him, I have been lost...
Went off course, now back on the search,
At times I forget to say hi to him, or just a silent hug that means everything!
Yet in the stillness of my thoughts....
In the shadow of my fears......
In the present evidence of forlornness....
I feel him there...
Gently prodding me to talk to him...
Gently enveloping me in his love...
And tears start running down my face and I look at him in awe...
And wonder in frustration and shame ... why he still loves me?
And he gently responds and says, I love you because I am love...
My love can be seen, touched and not just felt..
My love for you will never be dependent on you loving me back...
To this, bitter tears fall.. in repentence;for my rebellion, and the many times that I reject him or feel embarrassed to be associated with him..
Falling on my knees, he catches me midway and draws me close.
In his presence, I am home.

Finding me!

There is some excitement in working coz then i get to be responsible for myself.
yet my salary is never enough, ...to fund the trip to SA which i desire so much...
Back to school in January, hope my days will be busier then!

Today I inwardly scream in frustration!
In desperation.... at the coldness and the emptiness that fills my soul..
Jesus, i let you down so many times!
My weaknesses........plenty!


there must be something that i was meant to do..
This cold morning..with threatening clouds..
I love it when its this cold...
I wish i was at home, stretched out on my couch..
With the remote next to me..
a mushy movie and a good book at my pick!
And of course a mug steaming of hot chocolate at my reach.

Lord, i desperately need to find meself...
what did you bring me into this world to do?
You say that before i was born... you knew me!
Hi, help me out here... i need to know me too!

Seems as though am just living..
everyday is like the previous one..
a facade i have mastered...
to look as calm as my workmates..
or as excited about a new outfit as my pals!
Is the joy and contentment i seek found in a relationship?
i doubt it even though i would love to have a man...
Is it in a more challenging and better paying job?
still i doubt the restless spirit would soon set in...
Jesus please help me find me!

Friends.....

When I turned 26, I had of course made a lot of friends over the years some dating back to primary whilst others I met in college and others still in my professional life. Call it a coming of age, but a couple of months after that, during some me-time I realized that I needed to sort out my friendships. I went to my reading table and armed with paper and pen wrote down all the friends I interacted with on a daily to weekly basis and others monthly basis but who still added value to my life. I started a mental evaluation of the value of all my friends realized that I could classify my friends into various categories i.e. those I discuss spiritual issues, career, family, finance, dating scene and those who appealed to the fun side of me.

I leaned back in bed with a satisfied smile as a light bulb came on. No wonder I always call Adam when I need to speak money matters and Wanini when I need to mourn about my lack of a love life ;o)

I remembered an email I had received on friendships. That there are season, reason and life-time pals. Once again, I remembered the instances when I had met very intriguing people who we quickly hit off with and after a couple of months slowly stopped communicating with. I choose to believe that all the people I meet can add value in my life depending on my reception towards them and of course, their reception of me.

My friends out there, I hope that I have added value to your life and not been a drain. Take time off to evaluate your friendships and classify your friends. It will quickly dawn on why you naturally find yourself not telling a particular friend about a health problem but quickly tell another. Choose your friends carefully for they are the siblings we never had!

To scheme or not to scheme?

Any singleton approaching the terrifying 30 can identify with the horror of facing their friends and parents at any social event, especially at weddings. The blatant queries from aunties that they are waiting to drink your sodas (at your wedding!!) and your mum’s subtle questions on who you are dating is enough to drive any single to the lonely hearts column. Every singleton above 25 entertaining the thoughts of marriage and children has experienced the disappointment of non committal relationships. My decision to write this article is to express my thoughts on living single. Yes, am a sigh away from the big 3-0 and as single as they come!
The other day I and some girls started a small discussion over coffee which escalated into a full press conference on the quandary that has befallen us... the quandary being our ‘singleness’. Rish reached for a napkin which we quickly used as a paper and drew up a checklist of all our pals who are married, I won’t say happily just married and the rest of us still single. The question on our minds was what did they do different? In the heated exchanges the word ‘scheme’ popped up. Some of us said ‘scheme’ sounded devious but after a few examples we all conceded that there was no better way to put it.
Take Gacheeri for instance; back in college she used to be an assertive woman and could very easily incite crowds to boycott class. She was also in a relationship with a guy called Mbuthia. I remember weekends of Gacheeri going to Mbuthia’s to wash clothes, cook and perform all the wifely duties and she would turn into this meek girl who wouldn’t argue with anyone in his presence. Soon after college she got married in a colourful ceremony to her one and only… yes you guessed right; Mbuthia. Gacheeri being in my class was constantly complaining of catching him with girls but always forgave him. I will not speak of what happened after the wedding but I can bet that Mbuthia met the true Gacheeri. Conversely, I remember Atieno; she was going out with Ochi but refused to ‘act wifely’ for lack of a better description. She always asked why she was required to have his house key and go over to wash his clothes whilst her clothes would remain untouched still waiting for her. Needless to say, Atieno was seated on my right during the debate…. Still single.
This will sound incredulous but I have been given suggestions by my married pals that vary from acting stupid when he goofs to turning a blind eye when you suspect that he’s dogging! I find it hard to imagine that ladies can turn a blind eye especially when you have a gut feeling that something is amiss. Is this not deception? Why should I feign ignorance of his misgivings just so that I don’t rock the boat? Oh, I’m supposed to play dumb all in the hopes that a proposal is in the not to distant future!! One close friend of mine put on this grave look and said to me “you should cook him peas like they are going out of fashion!” and further pronounced “A woman is called one because of her endurance!”
There are times when I think that going on with such counsel would definitely get me a husband but the question is, what about after we get married and my true nature is brought to the fore? Men are always complaining that the woman they dated and the wife she turned out to be are two different people. Thus I put forward my question to you… to scheme or not to scheme?