I really do not know how to describe you, you infinite one, you who stretches out the heavens like a curtain...
The bible says that you hold the wind in your fists...
And the waters in the hollow of your hand..
You who seats on the throne of heaven..
And make earth your footstool...
Yet, you have engraved my name in the palm of your hand..
You love me more than I could ever comprehend.
Oh my dear Lord, how you love me!!
I am so very thankful for such a love as this.
I have no words to explain my grattitude..
This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. – 1 John 4:9-11
Friday, July 02, 2010
Monday, May 04, 2009
My take on love..
Love is a by-product of:
- Friendship
- Trust
- Covering my back
- Fighting fair
- knowing that you have the strength/ammunition to wound me but choosing not to.
- speaking "my love language"
- Appreciating and if I am lucky, loving those I love!
- Drawing me closer to God (the still point in my turbulent world)
- Creating space for me in your life.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Saving the best for last?
When I was child I remember eating my meat last, chicken last..
Whatever treat there was, I remember first finishing the rest of the food, be it rice, ugali etc and being left with the delicacies to loving devour :)
When I went to high school, and had to feast on the 'mbocha' filled githeri, one of my friends used to pick on the maize on her plate first and be left with beans which she would then happily 'treat' her too.
Its been many years since I left school and guess what, I have yet another friend who does the same thing. Each time we go for lunch she clears the veges and starch first then is left with the protein..
I dont really know when it is that i stopped saving the best for last?
Perhaps it was the day I woke up to the death of a loved one and realised the best is right here with you..
Perhaps it was after holding back in a relationship and playing safe.. all in the hope's that when he comes round to fully appreciating me, then I be my best? only to lose out completely.
Or perhaps its after all unjust events in the world.. hurricanes, earthquakes, famine... you name it!
I have resolved not to keep a shoe, an outfit or perfume for a special ocassion..
Each day i live is that special ocassion..
after all its a present for me to see today..
Embrace the day and live the best I can today..
Whatever treat there was, I remember first finishing the rest of the food, be it rice, ugali etc and being left with the delicacies to loving devour :)
When I went to high school, and had to feast on the 'mbocha' filled githeri, one of my friends used to pick on the maize on her plate first and be left with beans which she would then happily 'treat' her too.
Its been many years since I left school and guess what, I have yet another friend who does the same thing. Each time we go for lunch she clears the veges and starch first then is left with the protein..
I dont really know when it is that i stopped saving the best for last?
Perhaps it was the day I woke up to the death of a loved one and realised the best is right here with you..
Perhaps it was after holding back in a relationship and playing safe.. all in the hope's that when he comes round to fully appreciating me, then I be my best? only to lose out completely.
Or perhaps its after all unjust events in the world.. hurricanes, earthquakes, famine... you name it!
I have resolved not to keep a shoe, an outfit or perfume for a special ocassion..
Each day i live is that special ocassion..
after all its a present for me to see today..
Embrace the day and live the best I can today..
Thursday, October 16, 2008
SUNSCREEN by Mary Schmich - 1997 Graduation speech
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. OK, worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy,
but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.
Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don't worry about the future. OK, worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Sing.
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts.
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don't waste your time on jealousy.
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults.
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees.
You'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.
Maybe you'll divorce at 40,
maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.
Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it.
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents.
You never know when they'll be gone for good.
Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths:
Prices will rise.
Politicians will philander.
You, too, will get old.
And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you.
Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy,
but be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.
But trust me on the sunscreen.
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Arrive at a clearing..
***********************************************
Perks Pearl of Wisdom
"Wanting" is the seed of dreams and believing is the nourishment that makes them possible." Bob Perks
*****************************************************
All stories copyright 2004 Bob Perks
Today's Message:
"Arrive at a Clearing"
By Bob Perks
Bob@BobPerks.com
"My life is not going as planned. I feel like I am lost in the woods and can't find my way out," the young man said.
"You are not lost. You are learning how to trust," the old man replied.
"Trust?"
"Yes, you must learn how to trust yourself and believe that every step you have taken was in the right direction."
"The right direction, old man, would have taken me out of the forest. I need to climb to the top of the mountain in life."
"Not if you were meant to learn about trees. One cannot learn about trees standing on top of a mountain."
"So, my whole life is to be lost in the woods? Trees are like obstacles that get in my way. They serve no purpose but to block my view."
"What you can't see is the obvious," the old man said. He then asked, "Do you have faith in God?"
"Yes, but I can't understand why He would leave me here. I have prayed for a way out and still I am lost."
"What you see as an obstacle, may be the answer to prayer. Instead of cursing the things before you, understand why they are there.
When you ask God for help, you cannot limit the way He helps you. You see prayer like shopping for groceries. You make a list and expect to get everything on it. God takes that list and gives you what you need most and some things you didn't ask for. You ask for success and God sends work to earn it. You ask for happiness and God sends you challenges that bring happiness. Faith is believing that when you journey into a forest you will arrive at a clearing."
The young man stood silently.
"But, my friend, your time "lost in the woods" does not mean you will always be surrounded by trees," the old man said. "The feeling of being lost in the woods means you are making your own path through life. That is a reflection of the faith God has in your ability to make it through a difficult journey. If you wanted it easy you should have stayed on the road paved by others before you.
The good news is that one day you will arrive at a clearing."
Then placing his hand on the young man's shoulder he continued.
"It is on that day when you will be thankful for the trees."
At times life can be overwhelming. Your wanting things better will not make them happen, but wanting is the seed of dreams and believing is the nourishment that makes them possible.
If your journey has been difficult and you feel "lost in the woods," stop for a moment and ask God to tell you about the trees that surround you. They were placed there not to block your view, but help you to appreciate the day you, too will "arrive at a clearing."
"I believe in you!"
Bob Perks
Bob@BobPerks.com
Perks Pearl of Wisdom
"Wanting" is the seed of dreams and believing is the nourishment that makes them possible." Bob Perks
*****************************************************
All stories copyright 2004 Bob Perks
Today's Message:
"Arrive at a Clearing"
By Bob Perks
Bob@BobPerks.com
"My life is not going as planned. I feel like I am lost in the woods and can't find my way out," the young man said.
"You are not lost. You are learning how to trust," the old man replied.
"Trust?"
"Yes, you must learn how to trust yourself and believe that every step you have taken was in the right direction."
"The right direction, old man, would have taken me out of the forest. I need to climb to the top of the mountain in life."
"Not if you were meant to learn about trees. One cannot learn about trees standing on top of a mountain."
"So, my whole life is to be lost in the woods? Trees are like obstacles that get in my way. They serve no purpose but to block my view."
"What you can't see is the obvious," the old man said. He then asked, "Do you have faith in God?"
"Yes, but I can't understand why He would leave me here. I have prayed for a way out and still I am lost."
"What you see as an obstacle, may be the answer to prayer. Instead of cursing the things before you, understand why they are there.
When you ask God for help, you cannot limit the way He helps you. You see prayer like shopping for groceries. You make a list and expect to get everything on it. God takes that list and gives you what you need most and some things you didn't ask for. You ask for success and God sends work to earn it. You ask for happiness and God sends you challenges that bring happiness. Faith is believing that when you journey into a forest you will arrive at a clearing."
The young man stood silently.
"But, my friend, your time "lost in the woods" does not mean you will always be surrounded by trees," the old man said. "The feeling of being lost in the woods means you are making your own path through life. That is a reflection of the faith God has in your ability to make it through a difficult journey. If you wanted it easy you should have stayed on the road paved by others before you.
The good news is that one day you will arrive at a clearing."
Then placing his hand on the young man's shoulder he continued.
"It is on that day when you will be thankful for the trees."
At times life can be overwhelming. Your wanting things better will not make them happen, but wanting is the seed of dreams and believing is the nourishment that makes them possible.
If your journey has been difficult and you feel "lost in the woods," stop for a moment and ask God to tell you about the trees that surround you. They were placed there not to block your view, but help you to appreciate the day you, too will "arrive at a clearing."
"I believe in you!"
Bob Perks
Bob@BobPerks.com
New Beginnings...
The death of a thing is always the beginning of another..
The weakest animal dies
The flower blooms then withers and dies...
The cycle of life must continue…
We too like flowers are here today… and gone tomorrow..
Every scenario in life presents an obstacle and an opportunity..
Which one shall i choose?
Life should be about making everything count..
Every tiny moment should be celebrated.. its unique.. it shall never come back!
In a thousand seeds only 3 may sprout into huge plants..
Life is about change…
Change is hard... painful..
Change also brings with it fulfillment and accomplishment..
From a seed comes forth an oak tree..
From a larvae comes forth a butterfly.
A friendship undefined becomes a balanced fulfilling one...
hurts in the past frame pillars of strength..
To be without becomes the womb that births ambition..
obstacles are opportunites waiting to be tapped!
The weakest animal dies
The flower blooms then withers and dies...
The cycle of life must continue…
We too like flowers are here today… and gone tomorrow..
Every scenario in life presents an obstacle and an opportunity..
Which one shall i choose?
Life should be about making everything count..
Every tiny moment should be celebrated.. its unique.. it shall never come back!
In a thousand seeds only 3 may sprout into huge plants..
Life is about change…
Change is hard... painful..
Change also brings with it fulfillment and accomplishment..
From a seed comes forth an oak tree..
From a larvae comes forth a butterfly.
A friendship undefined becomes a balanced fulfilling one...
hurts in the past frame pillars of strength..
To be without becomes the womb that births ambition..
obstacles are opportunites waiting to be tapped!
Mushroom Cloud...
Trip! Felt the need for a holiday even if it’s for a day…
Could never have imagined meeting someone in just a day...
Or that I could connect and throw caution to the wind that day…
Perhaps I needed to lick some salt or gaze at some dikdiks...
Riding to the sanctuary we spoke, laughed and our eyes communicated...
My heart whispered to me, “I like his eyes, and smile” and my mind nodded in agreement.
If this is an adventure then let me be a damsel in distress and let you be the knight in shinning armour..
If this be a fairy tale let me be sleeping beauty and you the prince with the magical kiss! .
Someone who draws feelings of warm heartfelt closeness and camaraderie from me..
Someone who sits with me as I struggle with mathafu gently explains the formulas..
Someone who offers to cook dinner and quietly becomes a chef!
Someone I share Me with… the deepest parts, unafraid of ridicule or judgment..
Someone to sleep next to with a tiny smile of satisfaction…
Someone to share ideas on career, and this beautiful life!
My mushroom cloud.
Could never have imagined meeting someone in just a day...
Or that I could connect and throw caution to the wind that day…
Perhaps I needed to lick some salt or gaze at some dikdiks...
Riding to the sanctuary we spoke, laughed and our eyes communicated...
My heart whispered to me, “I like his eyes, and smile” and my mind nodded in agreement.
If this is an adventure then let me be a damsel in distress and let you be the knight in shinning armour..
If this be a fairy tale let me be sleeping beauty and you the prince with the magical kiss! .
Someone who draws feelings of warm heartfelt closeness and camaraderie from me..
Someone who sits with me as I struggle with mathafu gently explains the formulas..
Someone who offers to cook dinner and quietly becomes a chef!
Someone I share Me with… the deepest parts, unafraid of ridicule or judgment..
Someone to sleep next to with a tiny smile of satisfaction…
Someone to share ideas on career, and this beautiful life!
My mushroom cloud.
Monday, June 04, 2007
Determination..
Yesterday at church, my pastor preached about determination. One profound truth he stated was that Christians have replaced Knowledge with Prayer. We Christians imagine that all I have to do is pray for stuff eg. a job your chasing instead of equipping yourself to be the most suitable person for the job and then thanking God for the fulfillment of your prayer.
The dictionary meaning of determination is: Firmness of Purpose.
What is your purpose? Is it financial prosperity?
An excellent book am reading by George S Clason "The Richest Man in Babylon" gives great insights to financial prosperity.
*Some people are determined to take their children through school despite the loss of income of one partner.
*Others are determined to live longer than the 6 months decreed by their terminal illness
*others are determinated to get their first degree at age 40!
What are you determined to do?
1. Identify it/them.
2. come up with a SMART plan.
3. Pursue relentlessly!!!!
Helen Keller:
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Paulo Coelho:
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.
Stephen Covey:
Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
The dictionary meaning of determination is: Firmness of Purpose.
What is your purpose? Is it financial prosperity?
An excellent book am reading by George S Clason "The Richest Man in Babylon" gives great insights to financial prosperity.
*Some people are determined to take their children through school despite the loss of income of one partner.
*Others are determined to live longer than the 6 months decreed by their terminal illness
*others are determinated to get their first degree at age 40!
What are you determined to do?
1. Identify it/them.
2. come up with a SMART plan.
3. Pursue relentlessly!!!!
Helen Keller:
Many people have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Paulo Coelho:
But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.
Stephen Covey:
Whatever is at the center of our life will be the source of our security, guidance, wisdom, and power.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Happiness is a State of Mind
I've Learned That Happiness is a State of Mind
Author Sue Henley
I just had my 25th wedding anniversary. What an accomplishment.
I've only contemplated divorce about 1 million times over the last 25 years, so you can imagine my surprise over reaching this milestone. I have been complaining about this man for about 9,125 days....give or take a few days. My life is not how I envisioned it. Every major fight we've ever had has been over money. How you fight about something you don't have is beyond me.
There was also the big fight over the candle light dinner I fixed.......it seems he wants to see what he eats! He has seldom paid me a compliment. He rarely buys me presents. He won't learn how to massage my back. He won't wear shorts or swim trunks. We have only been on one family vacation in 25 years. He has never disciplined our girls, thus leaving me as the repeated bad guy! He refuses to go grocery shopping and continues to sneak and smoke after a bilateral carotid endartectomy. AND he spends way too much time in his recliner!
This same man wouldn't miss a day of work unless he was half dead and he hands over his check every payday. He would drive day and night to pick up either of our girls if they needed him. He loves my mom and Granny almost as much as I do. If you called him and said, "I'm Sue's friend, we've never met and my car won't start".........he would be out of the door in a flash to help you out. What an incredible father he has been. I know he loves our girls as much as I do! He has never complained about how much I've spent on either child....no matter how out of budget I went. Since he knows how I hate to cook....he hasn't complained (much) about the 20,000 fast food meals we've consumed.
He almost drowned as a child....which is why he doesn't swim.......and maybe if we didn't make fun of his ultra white legs.....he'd wear shorts. He doesn't drink alcohol and is forbidden to use the words that are unacceptable to children's ears (and mine). He hates to leave our sleepy little town.....but, encourages me to go where I want to and he always seems happy to see me as I make it back up the driveway.
I cannot begin to tell you the number of conversations I've had with God about him. "Lord, I'm so UNhappy. Life is too short and I know you don't want me to be UNhappy!" He'd whisper....."Make yourself happy with him, Sue" "I can't live with him another minute, Lord. You're up there watching the whole vast universe and I don't think you see me down here, miserable!" "Oh, I see you. I'm here, always and forever. Speak to me." "I am speaking to you! I want to have some peace in my life, you know, Lord....but I don't want you mad at me! He's driving me crazy!" "And he's doing what?" "First of all....he's breathing my air!" "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, SUE!"
I spent so many years praying for God to change him. God doesn't play fair sometimes. It seems that all along God was changing me. I had to come face to face with the fact that 'submissiveness' just isn't my best quality. (Not even close!) But, I spend a small part of each day working on it. I was so busy with my girls and my life that I didn't realize how little of myself I gave to him. I concentrated on the fact that we were polar opposites and he would never be able to fill that part of me that needed filled. I didn't realize I wasn't playing fair either because I hadn't reached into myself to give him the part of me that needed nurturing. The poor man was walking in the dark. He didn't have a clue. I think we both wondered if love was enough.
We were at a family reunion and someone asked where he was. I gleefully told them he was working overtime! Someone said, "Poor Leonard." It's become a family joke to say "Poor Leonard" because it grates on my last nerve! My own mother looked at me and said, "Do you notice no one ever says, "Poor Sue"? It felt like ice water had been dumped on my head. It was SO very true! That day my eyes started to open. So, at the ripe old age of 47, I've learned that happiness is a state of mind.
You can be hopelessly in love and decide you don't want to be happy. He still does things that drive me totally over the edge. But, I am receiving the nuturing that I have so long desired. I made up my mind that's he's not responsible for my happiness with him.....I am. I can hold grudges over what he's not done or done badly....or I embrace all the fine things he does so well.
So this morning, and hopefully every morning for the next 50 years, I choose to keep my family whole, to love with all my heart and please God and myself.
Sue Henley doupray2@charter.net
I hope it comes through that I love that man! I always have.....I just appreciate him more now! I think through my stories you've met all my family now! Tiffany will be 15 next month and Shanna is 23. I'm very blessed! 2001 copyright *********************************************************************
Author Sue Henley
I just had my 25th wedding anniversary. What an accomplishment.
I've only contemplated divorce about 1 million times over the last 25 years, so you can imagine my surprise over reaching this milestone. I have been complaining about this man for about 9,125 days....give or take a few days. My life is not how I envisioned it. Every major fight we've ever had has been over money. How you fight about something you don't have is beyond me.
There was also the big fight over the candle light dinner I fixed.......it seems he wants to see what he eats! He has seldom paid me a compliment. He rarely buys me presents. He won't learn how to massage my back. He won't wear shorts or swim trunks. We have only been on one family vacation in 25 years. He has never disciplined our girls, thus leaving me as the repeated bad guy! He refuses to go grocery shopping and continues to sneak and smoke after a bilateral carotid endartectomy. AND he spends way too much time in his recliner!
This same man wouldn't miss a day of work unless he was half dead and he hands over his check every payday. He would drive day and night to pick up either of our girls if they needed him. He loves my mom and Granny almost as much as I do. If you called him and said, "I'm Sue's friend, we've never met and my car won't start".........he would be out of the door in a flash to help you out. What an incredible father he has been. I know he loves our girls as much as I do! He has never complained about how much I've spent on either child....no matter how out of budget I went. Since he knows how I hate to cook....he hasn't complained (much) about the 20,000 fast food meals we've consumed.
He almost drowned as a child....which is why he doesn't swim.......and maybe if we didn't make fun of his ultra white legs.....he'd wear shorts. He doesn't drink alcohol and is forbidden to use the words that are unacceptable to children's ears (and mine). He hates to leave our sleepy little town.....but, encourages me to go where I want to and he always seems happy to see me as I make it back up the driveway.
I cannot begin to tell you the number of conversations I've had with God about him. "Lord, I'm so UNhappy. Life is too short and I know you don't want me to be UNhappy!" He'd whisper....."Make yourself happy with him, Sue" "I can't live with him another minute, Lord. You're up there watching the whole vast universe and I don't think you see me down here, miserable!" "Oh, I see you. I'm here, always and forever. Speak to me." "I am speaking to you! I want to have some peace in my life, you know, Lord....but I don't want you mad at me! He's driving me crazy!" "And he's doing what?" "First of all....he's breathing my air!" "THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH, SUE!"
I spent so many years praying for God to change him. God doesn't play fair sometimes. It seems that all along God was changing me. I had to come face to face with the fact that 'submissiveness' just isn't my best quality. (Not even close!) But, I spend a small part of each day working on it. I was so busy with my girls and my life that I didn't realize how little of myself I gave to him. I concentrated on the fact that we were polar opposites and he would never be able to fill that part of me that needed filled. I didn't realize I wasn't playing fair either because I hadn't reached into myself to give him the part of me that needed nurturing. The poor man was walking in the dark. He didn't have a clue. I think we both wondered if love was enough.
We were at a family reunion and someone asked where he was. I gleefully told them he was working overtime! Someone said, "Poor Leonard." It's become a family joke to say "Poor Leonard" because it grates on my last nerve! My own mother looked at me and said, "Do you notice no one ever says, "Poor Sue"? It felt like ice water had been dumped on my head. It was SO very true! That day my eyes started to open. So, at the ripe old age of 47, I've learned that happiness is a state of mind.
You can be hopelessly in love and decide you don't want to be happy. He still does things that drive me totally over the edge. But, I am receiving the nuturing that I have so long desired. I made up my mind that's he's not responsible for my happiness with him.....I am. I can hold grudges over what he's not done or done badly....or I embrace all the fine things he does so well.
So this morning, and hopefully every morning for the next 50 years, I choose to keep my family whole, to love with all my heart and please God and myself.
Sue Henley doupray2@charter.net
I hope it comes through that I love that man! I always have.....I just appreciate him more now! I think through my stories you've met all my family now! Tiffany will be 15 next month and Shanna is 23. I'm very blessed! 2001 copyright *********************************************************************
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
How is your Heart?
Hi world, am back! am back to writing again...my fingers are typing so fast that I dunno what they shall "say" next! Crazy huh?
I started this year with apprehension.. giving up a love that so fulfilled me was the biggest battle i had to face. I gave him up in January.. ached for him for so long.. that i couldnt write..because, how do you write a mourn? a tear? a scream?! Time does heal wounds..
Yesterday my friend came online whilst i was on Yahoo and asked me this question... How is your heart? I dunno why but I stuttered for a while.. looking for words that would explain how my heart was and all i could come up with is fine.
I should have said..
My heart is grateful for dear life... my family and the small everyday miracles.
My heart yearns for a good John Grisham.. on a lazy Saturday..
My heart yearns for peace for those who lost their loved ones in the KQ crash..
My heart yearns for direction.. what in the world am i doing with my life???
My heart yearns for a better job... more challenging!
My heart yearns for my projects to open up...
My heart yearns for a deeper understanding/relationship with my maker...
My heart yearns for days when i would be a little gal again.
My heart yearns for slow days filled with trees, birds chirping...and lots of dark clouds!
I started this year with apprehension.. giving up a love that so fulfilled me was the biggest battle i had to face. I gave him up in January.. ached for him for so long.. that i couldnt write..because, how do you write a mourn? a tear? a scream?! Time does heal wounds..
Yesterday my friend came online whilst i was on Yahoo and asked me this question... How is your heart? I dunno why but I stuttered for a while.. looking for words that would explain how my heart was and all i could come up with is fine.
I should have said..
My heart is grateful for dear life... my family and the small everyday miracles.
My heart yearns for a good John Grisham.. on a lazy Saturday..
My heart yearns for peace for those who lost their loved ones in the KQ crash..
My heart yearns for direction.. what in the world am i doing with my life???
My heart yearns for a better job... more challenging!
My heart yearns for my projects to open up...
My heart yearns for a deeper understanding/relationship with my maker...
My heart yearns for days when i would be a little gal again.
My heart yearns for slow days filled with trees, birds chirping...and lots of dark clouds!
Monday, December 04, 2006
The Irony of my life...
So I made a prayer that I desire to experience love in its extremity…
Then I met you…
And as forbidden as it was...
No matter how much we both fought ...we seemed powerless to this pull…
Its now months past since I let you in my life...
My mention of you in my prayers is for you to leave...
Ironical it is… to find love; finally throw caution to the wind…
Yet, desperately long for freedom… for normalcy …
For my life as it was!
You are not a drain in my life…
You are a gain…….
Yet… longingly and desperately I search for an exit…
I wish I could wake up the day before I met you...
Continue living without the knowledge that I have the capacity to love like this….
Despite my strength,
In spite of myself…
Should you gather the strength… please leave…
Crazy as it sounds, I know it would be best yet, deep down I would rather you stayed…
But…
But...
But…
Then I met you…
And as forbidden as it was...
No matter how much we both fought ...we seemed powerless to this pull…
Its now months past since I let you in my life...
My mention of you in my prayers is for you to leave...
Ironical it is… to find love; finally throw caution to the wind…
Yet, desperately long for freedom… for normalcy …
For my life as it was!
You are not a drain in my life…
You are a gain…….
Yet… longingly and desperately I search for an exit…
I wish I could wake up the day before I met you...
Continue living without the knowledge that I have the capacity to love like this….
Despite my strength,
In spite of myself…
Should you gather the strength… please leave…
Crazy as it sounds, I know it would be best yet, deep down I would rather you stayed…
But…
But...
But…
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
How come?!
Life seems to curve itself differently from your childhood conceptions...
That a father can negotiate with a rapist and have an out of court settlement without a glance at his hurting child……
That after 5-7 years of marriage most couples get disconnected from each other?
That the older you get, the harder it is to look at things as black or white... there is almost always a grey area...
That HIV/AIDS robs the best of the society; the ones who slipped up once or twice…but the blatantly licentious ones manage to escape its grasp…
That we live in a society where satisfaction is becoming extinct... always looking for a new challenge...a new high... better pay… better car… better relationship.
That the rate of infidelity is growing at an alarming rate… lack of satisfaction, trust, do we understand relationships differently from how our parents did?
That parents and children are losing out on their relationships; both concentrating on their short-lived desires….
That religion can now be twisted to fit our lifestyles instead of us conforming to our faith...
That stress related ailments are the order of the day; an indication of dissatisfaction..
That the person looking back at you in the mirror almost has no recollection of their originality… Image is supreme…. The intrinsic person has been wiped out.
That death visits us more frequently but yet... we still manage to live as though we shall never die.
New beginning…
\Call up your folks, go see them…
\Tell your siblings you love them…
\Love the one your with and forget the one in your head!
\Enjoy what you do... look for some hobby that fulfills you...
\Get in touch with your maker; whoever you perceive him to be.
\Look for meaning in your life!
That a father can negotiate with a rapist and have an out of court settlement without a glance at his hurting child……
That after 5-7 years of marriage most couples get disconnected from each other?
That the older you get, the harder it is to look at things as black or white... there is almost always a grey area...
That HIV/AIDS robs the best of the society; the ones who slipped up once or twice…but the blatantly licentious ones manage to escape its grasp…
That we live in a society where satisfaction is becoming extinct... always looking for a new challenge...a new high... better pay… better car… better relationship.
That the rate of infidelity is growing at an alarming rate… lack of satisfaction, trust, do we understand relationships differently from how our parents did?
That parents and children are losing out on their relationships; both concentrating on their short-lived desires….
That religion can now be twisted to fit our lifestyles instead of us conforming to our faith...
That stress related ailments are the order of the day; an indication of dissatisfaction..
That the person looking back at you in the mirror almost has no recollection of their originality… Image is supreme…. The intrinsic person has been wiped out.
That death visits us more frequently but yet... we still manage to live as though we shall never die.
New beginning…
\Call up your folks, go see them…
\Tell your siblings you love them…
\Love the one your with and forget the one in your head!
\Enjoy what you do... look for some hobby that fulfills you...
\Get in touch with your maker; whoever you perceive him to be.
\Look for meaning in your life!
Monday, October 23, 2006
I am a Christian...
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,Now I'm found and forgiven.
"When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failedAnd need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Christians - By Maya Angelou
"I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost,Now I'm found and forgiven.
"When I say... "I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak And need His strength to carry on.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failedAnd need God to clean my mess.
When I say... "I am a Christian
"I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are far too visible
But, God believes I am worth it.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches So I call upon His name.
When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Christians - By Maya Angelou
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Are you a milker or milk drinker?
Milking the Opportunity
I worked for less than six months at the factory. It was a short stint that brought me down to earth with a resounding thud. The grand designs and illusions I had concerning me and my working career came crashing down. I think God knew I urgently needed that detour. It taught me a lot about success, opportunity, advancement and achievement.
At this famous factory I met a messenger who had worked there for 17 years. I was a brand new upwardly mobile executive proudly working my way into management. This human being (the messenger) did not strike me as much of a threat - least of all as a threat to my career. At most he would have been a stepping stone. However, by and by, I came to discover, that this minor being lived in his own house 50 kilometres away, owned three manyangas (latest edition public transport vehicles) and, of course, owned a piece of land on which he kept some dairy cattle... But he was just a messenger who (in my opinion) could not possibly have any coherent ambitions in life leave alone of a corporate career.
I had serious difficulty reconciling my thoughts about this fellow and I finally gathered the courage to confront him with his obviously incongruent achievements. Meanwhile, I was driving an attractive mid-range reconditioned automobile (company loan) that was popular among young executives with an insatiable desire for petrol, lived in suitable area in town (rented house), owned a TV (bank overdraft) and a recently acquired fridge (hire purchase). I was also in the process of securing more credit to buy the latest sofa set to complete my house furnishings... Just to help you identify with my pain and internal turmoil, this fellow's (messenger) gross salary was equivalent to what I paid in tax, yet he had achieved during his career what I hoped to achieve at the end of mine.
If you were me you would need to confront this fellow in order to maintain your sanity. And of course confirm that he was not a threat to your career. I did. I caught up with him one day and asked rather cheekily; What are you doing here?... Judging from what I hear you don't need this job. What are you doing here?...What he answered me was classic. You will never get this response anywhere, except from a person with messengerial tendencies. He said....
Young man all those things out there...house, matatus, shamba and all...were born out of this job and as we speak right now I have not milked all the opportunities this job provides me. If they (management) ask me to go I will go happily. But before they do I am going to milk as much from this opportunity as I can...
The words sank deep, hard and convicting. No - this fellow was not a threat to my career. I - was a threat to my own career! I may not have worked for 17 years but I was definitely passed half way. At the rate at which I was accumulating debt I would have to struggle to reach zero before I could own anything. All the while I thought my career was advancing nicely up the corporate ranks. Instead of milking the opportunity I was busy drinking the milk. I was prospering in a manner that threatened my Personal Development.
...Do you know what is so unfair about all this? It is the fact that the "small guys" are always better at milking than the "big guys". In fact I doubt whether any of the big guys know how to milk. If a cow stood in front of a big guy he would not know what it is. How do we become so blind to opportunity!?... If I would have it this fellow was indeed a "stepping stone" to my success.
Excerpt from My First Job, ISBN9966-809-07-4 By Allan Bukusi.
Reproduced with permission get the book from Book Point Nairobi or contact mdi@mdi.co.ke
I worked for less than six months at the factory. It was a short stint that brought me down to earth with a resounding thud. The grand designs and illusions I had concerning me and my working career came crashing down. I think God knew I urgently needed that detour. It taught me a lot about success, opportunity, advancement and achievement.
At this famous factory I met a messenger who had worked there for 17 years. I was a brand new upwardly mobile executive proudly working my way into management. This human being (the messenger) did not strike me as much of a threat - least of all as a threat to my career. At most he would have been a stepping stone. However, by and by, I came to discover, that this minor being lived in his own house 50 kilometres away, owned three manyangas (latest edition public transport vehicles) and, of course, owned a piece of land on which he kept some dairy cattle... But he was just a messenger who (in my opinion) could not possibly have any coherent ambitions in life leave alone of a corporate career.
I had serious difficulty reconciling my thoughts about this fellow and I finally gathered the courage to confront him with his obviously incongruent achievements. Meanwhile, I was driving an attractive mid-range reconditioned automobile (company loan) that was popular among young executives with an insatiable desire for petrol, lived in suitable area in town (rented house), owned a TV (bank overdraft) and a recently acquired fridge (hire purchase). I was also in the process of securing more credit to buy the latest sofa set to complete my house furnishings... Just to help you identify with my pain and internal turmoil, this fellow's (messenger) gross salary was equivalent to what I paid in tax, yet he had achieved during his career what I hoped to achieve at the end of mine.
If you were me you would need to confront this fellow in order to maintain your sanity. And of course confirm that he was not a threat to your career. I did. I caught up with him one day and asked rather cheekily; What are you doing here?... Judging from what I hear you don't need this job. What are you doing here?...What he answered me was classic. You will never get this response anywhere, except from a person with messengerial tendencies. He said....
Young man all those things out there...house, matatus, shamba and all...were born out of this job and as we speak right now I have not milked all the opportunities this job provides me. If they (management) ask me to go I will go happily. But before they do I am going to milk as much from this opportunity as I can...
The words sank deep, hard and convicting. No - this fellow was not a threat to my career. I - was a threat to my own career! I may not have worked for 17 years but I was definitely passed half way. At the rate at which I was accumulating debt I would have to struggle to reach zero before I could own anything. All the while I thought my career was advancing nicely up the corporate ranks. Instead of milking the opportunity I was busy drinking the milk. I was prospering in a manner that threatened my Personal Development.
...Do you know what is so unfair about all this? It is the fact that the "small guys" are always better at milking than the "big guys". In fact I doubt whether any of the big guys know how to milk. If a cow stood in front of a big guy he would not know what it is. How do we become so blind to opportunity!?... If I would have it this fellow was indeed a "stepping stone" to my success.
Excerpt from My First Job, ISBN9966-809-07-4 By Allan Bukusi.
Reproduced with permission get the book from Book Point Nairobi or contact mdi@mdi.co.ke
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Letting go…
The storm brewed… the trees swayed to the song of the wind...
She ran across the fields her hair flying with the wind…
Her tears trailed down her cheeks……
She bit her lip hard to stop the scream that threatened to rip from inside her being!
Why? She asked God shouting at the ominous clouds above…
Her mind fleeted back to the talks they had had...
The openness of their conversations…
The ways his eyes lit in mischief…
The curl of his lips, hinting a smile…
For a second she smiled remembering him...
In remembrance of a man who made her feel alive ...
Why! She asked again her sobs tearing at her...
The rain started falling as if in answer to her plea…
She stood in the rain...
Her arms outstretched in surrender...
Her body swaying to the howl of the wind...
Her tears were now mingled with the raindrops…
And with each clasp of thunder…
Her body shuddered in response….
A single leaf fell from the sky to her open palm.
As if a response from the almighty.
Clasping the leaf she trod back home.
She ran across the fields her hair flying with the wind…
Her tears trailed down her cheeks……
She bit her lip hard to stop the scream that threatened to rip from inside her being!
Why? She asked God shouting at the ominous clouds above…
Her mind fleeted back to the talks they had had...
The openness of their conversations…
The ways his eyes lit in mischief…
The curl of his lips, hinting a smile…
For a second she smiled remembering him...
In remembrance of a man who made her feel alive ...
Why! She asked again her sobs tearing at her...
The rain started falling as if in answer to her plea…
She stood in the rain...
Her arms outstretched in surrender...
Her body swaying to the howl of the wind...
Her tears were now mingled with the raindrops…
And with each clasp of thunder…
Her body shuddered in response….
A single leaf fell from the sky to her open palm.
As if a response from the almighty.
Clasping the leaf she trod back home.
Monday, September 25, 2006
Don't Quit..
This forward says alot:
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?" "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return. "As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. He will never give up on you. Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."
One day I decided to quit...I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God. "God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me... "Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied. "When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo. In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo." He said. "In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In year four, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. I would not quit." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant...But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle." He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots?" "I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. Don't compare yourself to others." He said. "The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful." "Your time will come," God said to me. "You will rise high" "How high should I rise?" I asked. "How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return. "As high as it can?" I questioned. "Yes." He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can." I left the forest and brought back this story. I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you. He will never give up on you. Never regret a day in your life. Good days give you happiness; bad days give you experiences; both are essential to life "If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it."
my goodbye...
I have known you for long enough...
Still have not known you at all...
You touched a chord in my heart that no one else had before...
Still it didn’t magically make us compatible.
Now enough years down the line...
My heart still yearns for you despite my good sense.
But....
Futility is the pursuit of that which is beyond your reach...
Such as a relationship between two people who are built so differently...
I shall stop running after the wind...
Realization that I will never catch a shooting star has finally dawned.
And toughest of all... loving someone doesn’t guarantee that they will love you back...
And most importantly, even when they love you back....don’t mean it will work.
So, keep well beloved...
I pray that God's love and grace overshadow every hurt in your life.
I pray for sunny days ahead.
I pray for a love in your life that will match you.
I pray your faith remains firm.
And always be still and know…you were loved.
Still have not known you at all...
You touched a chord in my heart that no one else had before...
Still it didn’t magically make us compatible.
Now enough years down the line...
My heart still yearns for you despite my good sense.
But....
Futility is the pursuit of that which is beyond your reach...
Such as a relationship between two people who are built so differently...
I shall stop running after the wind...
Realization that I will never catch a shooting star has finally dawned.
And toughest of all... loving someone doesn’t guarantee that they will love you back...
And most importantly, even when they love you back....don’t mean it will work.
So, keep well beloved...
I pray that God's love and grace overshadow every hurt in your life.
I pray for sunny days ahead.
I pray for a love in your life that will match you.
I pray your faith remains firm.
And always be still and know…you were loved.
Friday, September 22, 2006
Rumblings...
Yesterday a lady living with HIV/AIDS gave a testimony about her condition in the hopes that we would learn a lesson… She said; why do you fear the person with full blown AIDS? There is no way you are going to sleep with them coz you are fully aware of their condition… then she went on “fear the likes of me... I have HIV but do I look like I have it?” And the truth struck home!
Yesterday I saw a man who looked like he had not had a meal for a couple of days… did I quickly walk past him? I must have told myself “sorry man, i got my problems too”
Yesterday I spoke to my mum who told me about losing her 7 cows to an illness… my sis thinks it’s either a cleansing or God teaching her a lesson on something or the other. The rest of us are clueless... oh my aunty thinks its urogi (witchcraft)
Yesterday I heard in the news that Anglo leasing runs deeper than we thought... Now the names of those involved runs longer than a scroll! Hear we go again! Thinking out loud, another tribunal to be set up to investigate this huge scandal??
Yesterday I spoke to a friend who wants to take her (violent) husband to church to make their 5 plus years marriage formal. Should I weep or pray?
Yesterday I had breakfast with a pal who cannot make up his mind which woman he wants out of three... Some formula about testing them and the one who comes up a winner triumphs???! dumb! I said.
Yesterday I watched the movie ‘Crash’ (for the 3rd time).It speaks volumes of life… and yes, it’s a tearjerker too!
Yesterday… I tried to wake up and pray but managed to doze off again! When I finally got up I chose to speak to him… I figure speaking to God is easier than praying. For me at least!
Yesterday it rained and I just love it! My heart dances when it rains... the ominous black clouds are breathtaking… Now I can drown lotsa teas with the excuse that am trying to keep warm.
Yesterday I saw a man who looked like he had not had a meal for a couple of days… did I quickly walk past him? I must have told myself “sorry man, i got my problems too”
Yesterday I spoke to my mum who told me about losing her 7 cows to an illness… my sis thinks it’s either a cleansing or God teaching her a lesson on something or the other. The rest of us are clueless... oh my aunty thinks its urogi (witchcraft)
Yesterday I heard in the news that Anglo leasing runs deeper than we thought... Now the names of those involved runs longer than a scroll! Hear we go again! Thinking out loud, another tribunal to be set up to investigate this huge scandal??
Yesterday I spoke to a friend who wants to take her (violent) husband to church to make their 5 plus years marriage formal. Should I weep or pray?
Yesterday I had breakfast with a pal who cannot make up his mind which woman he wants out of three... Some formula about testing them and the one who comes up a winner triumphs???! dumb! I said.
Yesterday I watched the movie ‘Crash’ (for the 3rd time).It speaks volumes of life… and yes, it’s a tearjerker too!
Yesterday… I tried to wake up and pray but managed to doze off again! When I finally got up I chose to speak to him… I figure speaking to God is easier than praying. For me at least!
Yesterday it rained and I just love it! My heart dances when it rains... the ominous black clouds are breathtaking… Now I can drown lotsa teas with the excuse that am trying to keep warm.
Thursday, September 21, 2006
A woman’s place…
Last evening I hang out with my best pal and her boify. Interestingly after discussing everything else we settled on the topic of the century ‘relationships’. The discussion strayed to my favourite part which is the inequalities on expectations for chics and jamaas. Of course I first went into a tirade ;o) Oh, we are empowered. If he wants to go out till morning so can I, and how come am expected to cook and clean when we both come from 8 to 5 jobs? That is so unfair! And why do jamaas expect you to cook and clean dishes (and some shao ones clothes too!) whilst at his place? I remember that my pal’s boify looked at me deadpan in the face and made the following points which tearfully and dejectedly I accept, not because they are true but because God(??) plus our traditional doctrines made them so!!
Women are emotional beings, men are rational beings. Meaning at the point when a jamaa chooses to move on, the chic thinks manze I have given so much to this relationship. I spruced him up (albeit with his money, possibly he had horrible taste in clothes, interior décor etc), I have been with him for 3 years! His family knows me etc a jamaa is thinking... eish, doesn’t matter that we used to do trips to Dubai etc (which he paid for) I gotta cut my losses and move on!
Women move with the times, men haven’t/won't?! So a chic is taking home a six figure salo, is mortgaging her hao. Presumably in control of her life a jamaa irrespective of whether he earns more or less than she does will still expect her to play homemaker... ati she has hassled up some pasta and mushroom.. A jamaa still wants ugali for supper everyday! Meanwhile irrespective of whether a jamaa went to Harvard he still believes that spaghetti is a snack and cannot be fed for supper!
The relationship game is all about control! The sooner the chic relinquishes control to the jamaa the sooner the wedding bells will sound! Haven’t you ever wondered why jamaas like to marry the chic who has perservered the most? A friend of mine sent me a text message saying he has decided to marry his chic of 5 years. This chic has withstood his dogging; his brokeness … this chic has taken him back after he has meted on her every evil inconceivable thing! So ladies, a guy will have to ‘break’ you first before he can use the 'Marry me' word. Men, I have to ask God (hoping that I get to see him) why he cursed women so!
Most men experience twinges of emotions during a lot of strain e.g. Stress at work, loss of loved one or when a chic threatens to leave etc
Men expect women to be homemakers irrespective of his short comings.
Still...easier said than done!;)
Lastly the good book says the following:
Hymn to a Good Wife (The Message Bible, Proverbs 31)
10-31 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it.Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long.She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.She's like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.She's up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day.She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she's put aside, plants a garden.First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.She's skilled in the crafts of home and hearth, diligent in homemaking.She's quick to assist anyone in need, reaches out to help the poor.She doesn't worry about her family when it snows; their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.She makes her own clothing, and dresses in colorful linens and silks.Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.She designs gowns and sells them, brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.She keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive.Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise:"Many women have done wonderful things, but you've outclassed them all!"Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
I do....
This Saturday I had the pleasure of not only attending my close pal’s wedding but being the matron of honour (bustling around with 3 brats! ) . It was a lovely wedding and as l looked at the two lovebirds dancing away with their arms holding each other tightly and eyes locked in a gaze full of love, I thought about the word ‘I do’
I do... agree to wake up each morning with you by my side. On those days when am thrilled that its me you chose and no one else... and also on those days when I wish you could disappear into thin air!
I do... agree to succumb to you as my wife/husband. Especially when you are making sound decisions for our future…but the times when I think you are a nut I shall surely ask for strength from above!
I do agree to have your children. In my hopes that you will be there during their rearing.
I do agree to be with you in sickness and in health... hoping that you shall do likewise for me
I do agree to stand with you in riches and poverty! Praying fervently that we shall face riches… and that despite the elements that life shall throw at us... we shall stand as one.
I do agree to call your mother ‘mum’ knowing that she might just decide to give me hell on earth! Or surprise me by becoming ‘mother-in-love’
I do agree to your pet peeves, the things that drew me to you and continuously remember to compromise on your faults…. As am sure you did for me.
I do agree to be your companion for life. In the hopes that we shall be together in this journey called life.
Lastly I do agree to give you the strength to see me at my worst and best, to know me beyond anybody else. To be vulnerable before you…. To struggle with pride and ego hoping that the soundness of our union will win the day.
I do... agree to wake up each morning with you by my side. On those days when am thrilled that its me you chose and no one else... and also on those days when I wish you could disappear into thin air!
I do... agree to succumb to you as my wife/husband. Especially when you are making sound decisions for our future…but the times when I think you are a nut I shall surely ask for strength from above!
I do agree to have your children. In my hopes that you will be there during their rearing.
I do agree to be with you in sickness and in health... hoping that you shall do likewise for me
I do agree to stand with you in riches and poverty! Praying fervently that we shall face riches… and that despite the elements that life shall throw at us... we shall stand as one.
I do agree to call your mother ‘mum’ knowing that she might just decide to give me hell on earth! Or surprise me by becoming ‘mother-in-love’
I do agree to your pet peeves, the things that drew me to you and continuously remember to compromise on your faults…. As am sure you did for me.
I do agree to be your companion for life. In the hopes that we shall be together in this journey called life.
Lastly I do agree to give you the strength to see me at my worst and best, to know me beyond anybody else. To be vulnerable before you…. To struggle with pride and ego hoping that the soundness of our union will win the day.
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